


The flags we fly (and the flags we fold away)

by DisplacedWarrior



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Genderfluid!Lucy, Other, nb!vasquez
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 08:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12955086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisplacedWarrior/pseuds/DisplacedWarrior
Summary: When long since buried facets of Lucy's identity bubble to the surface it's a struggle to deal with what it means going foward. Luckily Vasquez is there to prove Lucy isn't as alone as originally feared.





	The flags we fly (and the flags we fold away)

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah so this is the end result of prompting from [thebisexualmystarryyy](http://thebisexualmystarryyy.tumblr.com/) Enjoy! (or don't im not gunna tell you how to live your life)
> 
> and someone drag Lucy back to National City kthx

Lucy stares at the door looming before her.

A DEO bike is parked haphazardly in the driveway, engine long since cooled.

Lucy doesn’t remember how exactly it is she came to be here.

There's paperwork piled up on her desk that needs to be taken care of.

Dinner at home she could be making.

At least one girlfriend she hasn't seen outside of work hours in far too long to dote on.

Maggie won't be home ‘til late, stuck on a stakeout but Alex should be back soon if she isn't already.

But Lucy is actively avoiding thinking about either of them at the moment.

She just can't.

Not right now.

Even though all she wants is to go home to the apartment they share and monopolize the space between her girlfriends. Sink into their warmth until they chase away the demons haunting her.

Only Lucy can't.

Lucy usually loves the way all their curves fit perfectly, hard muscle and soft skin melding together.

Today though even an innocent brush from one of her girlfriends across a breast and Lucy doesn’t think she'll be able to keep it together.

So Lucy is here, standing on a stoop.

And Lucy doesn't remember the journey.

And Lucy wants answers but isn't sure why that desire led here exactly.

It's been years and Lucy had buried this so very deep. To the point where ma’am didn't always grate against _her_ ears even when it did.

And when the skirt of _her_ dress uniform sent static skittering across _her_ skin it was just a slight sensitivity to the itchy material.

Plenty of the girls she knew hated dealing with the regulation bun but not as much as they hated the idea of chopping it all off. Meaning some days Lucy was hardly the only one who couldn't manage to find a way her hair didn't pull in all the wrong ways.

Lucy never thinks of that day she sat in the barracks, heart in her throat, laptop screen facing the wall, finger poised to rapidly close the incognito browser open to a blank search bar she couldn't bring herself to fill.

Or that day on leave months later in a library four towns over where she finally asked the questions haunting her and got an answer that clicked everything into place and shattered her all at once.

She had the words now but she had long since forced herself to forget. Being bisexual was bad enough under Don't Ask Don't Tell, being….she wouldn't name it.

She'd erase it and mold herself into the perfect soldier and _she_ would be fine.

And she was.

Lucy didn't hesitate to come out as bi after the repeal of DADT but any stray thoughts of gender stayed locked way down deep.

It had slowly been chipping away at her since leaving the army, apparently.

At Catco without a daily uniform for the first time in well over a decade was the first time she maybe noticed it poking at the corners since she tightly locked the box in her mind.

But Cat Grant appreciated her penchant for designer yoga pants. And Lucy basked in the approval of the one woman more at odds with her sister than she herself was.

It was just enough keep the longing glances at James’ ties and oxfords focused on appreciation for her boyfriends style rather than jealousy over it.

The DEO saw a return to a life of uniforms but with no dress blue equivalent the mandated all black tac gear had no gender differentiation.

Just long sleeve or short based on personal preference and the season.

And Lucy a pro focusing on all the _right_ things hadn't even noticed _it_ creeping further and further to the forefront of her mind.

Which is why she's caught by such complete surprise.

Lucy doesn't know what it was about today but every ma’am pierced her heart and the thought of being alone with her girlfriends suddenly terrified Lucy because because because—

“Ma’am?”

Vasquez stands in the frame of their now open door radiating concern.

A dam inside Lucy breaks and there's nothing Lucy can do to stop the sobs that erupt.

“Lucy?” Vasquez ushers a distraught Lucy inside trying to decipher the garbled words Lucy tries forcing out.

Through the sobs Lucy manages to ask Vasquez to use director, just for now even though they are very much off the clock in the moment.

And showing up hysterically sobbing on a person's door step is about as far from professional as one can get.

Lucy doesn't see the spark of understanding dawn in Vasquez's gaze, too busy fighting off the hyperventilation at voicing even that simple request.

Vasquez waits patiently as Lucy calms. The silence they sit in less overwhelming to Lucy than filling it with small talk or god forbid anything of more substance .

The only sound is Vasquez quietly shooing off random pets trying to lick the tears from a disgruntled Lucy's face.

When Lucy does finally feel put together enough to speak, the conversation almost ends before it begins with Lucy fleeing from being such a cliche.

The “When did you know?” echoing around them.

Vasquez doesn't laugh, or offer any of their trademark sarcasm.

Just uses the soothing tone very few people besides their wife know they're even capable of to clarify.

“When did I know what?”

For a minute Vasquez thinks Lucy is going to bolt.

Lucy almost does but Lucy has survived far worse than a conversation between friends. Even one that Lucy knows will change everything.

“When did you know you were non-binary?”

Vasquez is careful to keep their face completely neutral knowing enough to know the slightest shift will spook Lucy into retreating.

“Like when did I figure it out? Or when did I have the language for it? Or just when did I know?”

Lucy takes a deep breath. “Any of it. All of it.”

Vasquez nods like they were expecting that.

“I think I always knew. Just like I always knew I liked girls. But I didn't have the words until college. My first year I roomed in one of the 'gay friendly’ wings of the freshman dorms . My roommate was genderqueer, xyr partner was trans and it opened my eyes to a whole world of possibilities it was kind of like things just made sense, ya know?”

The “I do” burns a hole in Lucy's tongue unspoken.

Lucy barely manages a nod.

“So you and Erin weren't together yet?”

“Nope.”

“So you were already ‘out’ by the time you guys got together?” Lucy states more than questions sinking a bit into the couch.

Vasquez shrugs, “I didn't say that exactly, it was journey.”

Vasquez pauses suddenly grinning like a madperson, “See most people assume gender is a strict progression of male to female but actually from a non binary, non normative viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly gendery bendery stuff.”

Lucy just blinks rapidly causing Vasquez to pout just a little.

“Winn and Alex would have appreciated that clever turn of reference.”

“I'm...sorry?” Lucy questions momentarily confused out of the dark suffocating cloud of emotions.

“I’ll live.” Is Vasquez's flippant reply. Which is why their solemn follow up of, “And so will you.”  catches Lucy completely off guard.

Not nearly as off guard as the single word that croaks, unbidden out of Lucy's own throat.

“He.”

There isn't any oxygen left in the room.

Lucy sees black spots dancing across her— across his vision.

Lucy never allowed himself to think in any pronoun besides she. If he got used to it on those days in his head than he could slip up and ruin everything.

“It’s he, today.”

The black spots grow darker until he can't see at all and it takes far too long for Lucy to realize it's because he slammed his eyes shut as if bracing for impact.

His skin feels like a live wire but not in the jittery dissonant way that's as familiar as breathing.

And then he's laughing chest suffused with warmth. He doesn't even notice there are fresh tear tracks on his cheeks.

He does notice the mirroring ones on Vasquez's when he opens his eyes.

Vasquez breaks the silence of the moment grinning themself, “Can I hug you?”

Lucy rolls his eyes but gratefully sinks into his friend’s embrace. When they pull back eventually Lucy can only shake his head in disbelief.

“I can't believe I just said that.” Lucy says still completely stunned.

“I'm proud of you, director.” Vasquez says punctuating the declaration with a playful jab to Lucy's chin.

The move is so awkward sitcom dad that Lucy can't stop the laughter that bubbles up and out of his chest.

The mirth subsides and Lucy scrunches his nose.

“I think Lucy is good now that you..know? If that makes sense? I'm not— it's just we're friends but I'm also your superior sometimes and I prefer to separate that.” Lucy says hoping he’s making some kind of sense of the mess of _feelings_ he’s having. Then he replays his last statement in his head and tacks on “as much as possible anyway.” Considering how close he is to a bunch of sarcastic assholes the line of professionalism occasionally wavered.

Possibly just to prove Lucy's point Vasquez nods sagely, “You aren't Director Lane outside of the DEO…...or Alex's bedroom.”

Lucy punches Vasquez hard in the arm. Their unrepentant grin showing it was totally worth it in their mind.

“The three of us share that bedroom now thank you very much.”

“Speaking of any luck finding an apartment with actual bedroom walls? Kara's still whining about being scared for life.”

Lucy scoffs, “like we actually have time for that. Plus Alex is pretty attached to the place in a way army brat,” Lucy points to himself, “and then ya know” Lucy gesture off in towards in a vague direction of the NCPD, “kicked out at fourteen tend not to be.”

Lucy shrugs with a well honed flippancy. “We'll find something eventually. There's no major rush.”

Vasquez's just raises an eyebrow.

“Scaring Kara notwithstanding.” He concedes.

Vasquez's rejoinder is cut off by the vibration of Lucy’s phone. His fingers fly across the screen in a complicated pattern even Vasquez can't follow.

Vasquez watches as Lucy’s face takes a journey all on its own before settling back into practiced neutral territory.

“That was Alex. Something came up in the lab so she's crashing at the DEO tonight. She promised to make it up to me.” Lucy chokes on the end of his sentence.

“So why do you sound like she just told you they cancelled Dancing with the Stars?”

Lucy doesn't so much as scowl at Vasquez far too distracted which is enough to make Vasquez brace for whatever’s coming.

“Because I'm relieved.” Lucy practically wails before reigning it in. “I'm relieved to not see my girlfriends tonight. You know my girlfriends, who I love and haven't spent any quality time with in weeks? That makes me a pretty fucking terrible person.”

“Lucy—"

“No it totally does. I didn’t think I could go home tonight and pretend nothing’s changed. I had a bunch of excuses in my head but I don't even have to use any of them and it’s just—it's fucked up.”

“I don't know, seems pretty understandable to me.”

“In what way could that possibly seem understandable?”

“It makes sense. Now that you've acknowledged it you feel like you're lying. You aren't though.”

Lucy opens his mouth but Vasquez cuts him off.

“I'm serious. Your first instinct is to make sure you're being honest with your girlfriends and that's really good but it’s okay to take a step back a process things for yourself. This is huge and you deserve space to sort out years of repression before being faced with how to tell two of the most important people in your life about it.”

Lucy bites his lip struggling to believe in Vasquez's words.

“So I can crash here tonight?”

Vasquez stifles a yawn while nodding.

"Couch is all yours dude, I'll even be nice and take moose into the bedroom so you don't wake up on the floor again.”

The dog perks up at his name eyeing Lucy and the couch hopefully.

It makes Vasquez laugh as they get up to usher the dog in the opposite direction.

“Not tonight, buddy.”

Lucy reaches over pet moose in apology aiming his droll words towards the bipedal of the pair.

“How very considerate of you.”

“Only the best for you, good sir. TV and game consoles are all yours but I'm gunna go crash. If you're okay?”

“I'm...good. I don't know about tomorrow but for now? I'm good.”

Vasquez pauses scanning Lucy's face for sincerity and once satisfied they bid him goodnight.

Lucy repeats the pleasantry but calls out just before Vasquez disappears into the bedroom.

“And Vasquez?”

His friend stops turning by the door waiting for him to continue.

“Thank you.”

Vasquez just pops off a two fingered salute leaving Lucy alone with his thoughts.

 

                                                                                                                          *****************************

 

Vasquez shuffles out of their bedroom bumping into two walls, a stool, and the counter before managing to wrap their hands around the mug their wife hands them.

They mumble an incoherent thanks and place a clumsy kiss on Erin's cheek.

Erin just shakes her head fondly.

Vasquez makes it over to the island just managing to avoid bumping into anything else.

Lucy's already perched on a seat of their own also with coffee though theirs is no longer hot.

Erin continues seamlessly moving through the flurry of controlled chaos on her way go deal with a shipment error before it becomes the museum's problem. She pauses actually leaving to say her goodbyes, first to a rowdy group of pets clamouring for attention. Then she wraps Lucy in a quick hug from behind before finally dipping down to kiss Vasquez.

After Erin departs the only sound for a while is the padding of paws and the occasional clink of a mug hitting the countertop.

Until it isn't.

“You didn't really ask me any questions yesterday.”

Vasquez blinks at the suddenness of Lucy's voice, the question doing more to wake them up then the coffee thus far.

“Wasn't gunna push you into telling me anything you weren't ready to.”

Lucy silently goes back to staring intensely into their coffee as a now more awake Vasquez starts pulling out ingredients for omelettes.

Alex would've immediately started asking questions Lucy thinks. Maggie would’ve been more tactful and far less talkative but ultimately still encouraging for Lucy to open up probably with some anecdotes.

Meanwhile Erin would have started to talk about anything and everything and before you knew it you'd be spilling your guts.

Vasquez just makes breakfast humming a little off key and rapid fire rapping under their breath.

Though vastly different from their wife’s preferred method it apparently has the same effect, as Lucy finds themself blurting out,

“Genderfluid. I'm— I'm genderfluid.”

Vasquez doesn't break their focus on trying to flip the contents of the frying pan.

“Cool. Pronouns this morning?”

Lucy blinks.

“Uh he, still he today.”

It's not that Lucy thought Vasquez would be anything but chill about this, obviously. It's just the complete non-issue and casual acceptance after so many years of forcing it down is a shock to his system.

“And ‘Lucy’ is still alright?” Vasquez's next question jolts Lucy out of his stupor and into an uncharacteristically ineloquent ramble.

“Yea— I mean it— well it's my name right? It's gotta be fine, although I guess it wasn't really yesterday, well until it was which doesn't really make very much sense but it is— fine except for it kinda feels like it shouldn't feel as fine as it….feels…”

Lucy loses his train of thought as oxygen gets more difficult to pull into his lungs.

Vasquez shuts off the stove and walks over to Lucy.

“Hey, hey it's okay breathe.”

Lucy focuses on Vasquez's voice taking a few deep breaths.

“There ya go. In and out.”

Lucy nods finding his voice and immediately launching into another ramble.

“It's just I shouldn't be okay with it, right? I mean I wasn't yesterday before I came out to you. Shouldn't telling you have I don't know made it worse? How— how can I be a man with a name like Lucy? Okay I know that's not really how it works except for when it is... it's just I feel like I'm supposed to be more bothered by it now.”

“If there's one thing I can promise you it's there's no way you _should_ feel.”

“But—”

“Nope. No buts. No one gets to decide what's 'right’ for you but you, alright?” Vasquez waits for Lucy’s nod, hesitant though it may be.

“There are stereotypes and societal conventions and most of the time? We spit in the face of all of  them. If you wanna keep going by Lucy no matter what that's fine, you wanna use Lane we'll use Lane. If you wanna change it on he days or in-between days you just tell us what to call you. If you wanna change your name entirely and legally. I’ll help you with the forms even though you're a fancy lawyer who can do it himself.”

Vasquez sees Lucy's gears spinning into overdrive.

“But these options will keep, you don't have to think about just yet, you can table it. We'll stick with Lucy unless you tell me to use something else even if it's just for a day or hell a few hours, okay? There is no rush, no checklist it's what _you_ are comfortable with. And what you're comfortable with can be a moving target.”

Lucy clings to his friend's words as his heartbeat starts to regulate again. He files away the suggestion of changing his name at least sometimes in a to be examined later tab in his brain.

Lucy curses how small his voice sounds when he says, “I'm just not really sure what to do now.”

“Well first I suggest breakfast.” Vasquez says moving back over to the stove and plating the omelettes with a flourish.

Lucy snorts. “Are you ever not thinking about food.”

“I mean unlike some people in this room, I do sleep. Wait I dreamed about tamales last night so I guess I still kinda think about food even then, damn.”

Lucy shakes his head. “You're ridiculous.”

“He said as if that were supposed to insult me.” Vasquez doesn't hesitate to reply.

Lucy doesn't even notice how big he's grinning from Vasquez's use of pronoun.

They finish breakfast with Lucy only having thrown one piece of green pepper from his plate at Vasquez's head.

Once the dishes are cleared Vasquez disappears into their bedroom to get ready for the day.

There isn't much Lucy can do besides freshen up considering the impromptu nature of his trip over.

Which leaves Lucy to his own devices for a bit. He wanders around, mostly to avoid sitting long enough to become pet furniture thus ensuring he won't actually be leaving the house anytime soon.

Moose in particular is giving him the saddest puppy eyes so Lucy goes off in search of some treats to placate her.

Lucy opens the pantry and snorts at what he sees. The left wall is dedicated to various pet items as one might expect with the veritable circus running around the place.

The back wall is typical of what one might find in a kitchen closet dry and canned food, some cleaning supplies. It's the right shelving unit that amuses Lucy.

Because it looks like an cartoon kid’s science fair threw up. Gutted tech and cheap hobby kits. Wires and circuit boards and tools Lucy knows Vasquez has far superior quality of in their garage.

A nudge to the side of his thigh brings Lucy back to his original task. He grabs the treats he came in for and few for the other animals.

Lucy's closing the door when a roll of duct tape catches his eye. He impulsively grabs that too before finally shutting the pantry.

He laughs at the animals’ over excitement finally deeming it safe enough to sit as they're preoccupied with their treats.

Lucy checks his phone only to realize the battery was dead. He plugs it into one of Vasquez's chargers and sits back down trying not to squirm without a distraction.

He picks up the tape he grabbed from the closet idly twirling it between his fingers.

He almost doesn't hear Vasquez's voice raised to be heard through the mostly closed door.

“So. what are we doing today?”

Lucy's brow furrows, “Did moose’s slobber leak into your brain? We have work.” Lucy calls back moving closer to hear them better.

“Nope. Today is my ‘unless there's a red alert’ day off and J’onn kicked you out barring emergencies.”

“He did no such thing.” Lucy declares folding his arms across his chest.

“Think back to before you ended up here last night, when was the last time you went home? Or slept for more than 20 minute power naps.”

Lucy opens his mouth to answer but ends up drawing a complete blank.

“If you have to think about it that hard, it's been too long.”

Lucy leans back against the wall defiantly as Vasquez continues to speak.

“If it's any consolation Alex has been similarly booted now that the lab is under control. A Kryptonian birdie may have mentioned she and Maggie are passed out and probably will be for a while. So you could go crawl into bed at home and get some actual sleep. But I figured considering last night you might not be ready.”

Lucy hums thoughtfully, tossing the roll of tape back and forth between his hands.

He focuses on the shiny silver as it shimmers with each throw, pointedly ignoring any thoughts that veer into the territory of ‘ _Kara knows where I am’._

Lucy wanders back into the living room where he can just barely make out the sounds of running water and that's only if he strains to hear Vasquez.

He runs his fingers over the tape mapping the texture in an effort to ignore the incessant questions that keep popping up in his head.

He flops onto the couch and begins throwing the tape into the air and catching it.

Lucy’s mind wanders and the repetitive motion triggers a memory. He doesn't recall the name of the movie but it was one Lois watched over and over again when they were younger. The details aren't important it's one scene that Lucy's brain has latched onto.

A scene in which the resident tomboy character uses a roll of tape to flatten their developing chest.

Lucy tilts his head, sitting up and staring at the roll of tape in his hand.

He stands up realizing too late he never responded to the last thing Vasquez said.

He calls back, “You almost sound like you've got something in mind.” but his eyes are still firmly fixed on the duct tape.

A slight crash sounds from Vasquez's bedroom but it's followed immediately by a shouted, “I'm fine.” So Lucy doesn't bother going to investigate.

Instead he pulls his shirt off and starts winding the tape around his chest.

It's kind of hard to breathe and ease of movement isn't up to his usual standards but….his chest is the flattest it's been since puberty hit.

He deems the trade acceptable.

Lucy is just about to pull his shirt back on when Vasquez walks into the room.

“Just that we can— woah. What are you doing?” Lucy startles at the sound of Vasquez's voice.

Lucy looks down at the roll of tape wrapped securely around his sports bra.

“I feel like it's pretty self explanatory.”

“Yea man, I can _see_ what you're doing hence my exclamation which was obviously not literal, quit being such a lawyer.

“Fine then, your point?” Lucy questions stiffly crossing his arms across his chest.

“My—my point? No! No is my point!” Vasquez says motioning for Lucy to undo the tape.

Lucy only juts his chin out in response.

Vasquez runs a hand through their hair.

“Look I get it _, believe me_ I understand. I know what it's like to know who you are but to look down at yourself sometimes and it— just doesn't fit. But you can't bind like that.”

Lucy opens up his mouth to object but Vasquez beats him to it.

“No objections, counsellor. This isn't a courtroom.I can help you pick out an actual binder or we can try and see if maybe one of mine will work temporarily but duct tape? That'll fuck you up and I can't stand by and let you injure yourself like that on my watch. ”

“I've had worse injuries.”

“Maybe, but this is preventable. Even specially designed binders can be unsafe if you wear ‘em too long or like improperly sized and stuff. I've seen people at the center with irreversible damage because they didn't have the means or access or knowledge to fight their dysphoria properly.  You do.”

Lucy knuckles turn white and he wants so badly to be pissed at Vasquez for playing that card but the situation itself is fucked enough to get him furious at that instead.

“Plus do you really want to have to sit out the next all hands on deck mission because you have fractured ribs?” Vasquez needles.

Lucy shakes his head and releases an aggravated breath.

“I guess we can try one of yours.”

Vasquez's binders do end up being too big to be properly effective for Lucy.

Vasquez won't let him 'double bind’ with one of Erin's smaller sports bras underneath his own either.

So he resigns himself to what his own can accomplish,and borrows an oversized flannel from Vasquez for good measure.

“So what what were your grand plans you never managed to actually articulate?” Lucy asks as Vasquez helps him take measurements to order a binder of his own.

“Hmm?” Vasquez hums fumbling with the tape measure, “Oh yea, nothing really just that I was free if there was something _you_ wanted to do. Or not do as the case may be. Although, You know what?”

“They genetically engineered real dinos for the Jurassic Park film and the government actively covered it up? ‘Cause Maggie's already told me that one.”

Vasquez snaps the measuring tape at Lucy, “We might actually be able to get you a new binder today.”

“Wait, really?” Lucy’s excitement outshines his trademark snark.

“I just have to make a call or two and it might not be until a little later, but yeah.”

Vasquez gets up to grab their phone from where they left it in their bedroom as Lucy sits purely to bounce in his seat.

“Hey, so do you think we could maybe go shopping?” Lucy calls out.

It’s quiet for a bit before Vasquez yells back, “Uh sure?”

Lucy resists the urge to bite his nails while he waits, a bad habit he’s never even possessed.

A few minutes later Vasquez strolls back into the room with a grin, “So, shopping?”

Lucy narrows his eyes, “Not until you explain whatever it is your face is doing.”

“It's called smiling. Humans and dozens of other sentient beings use the muscles in their faces to express positive emotion. You should try it some time.”

Lucy scowls.

“That's using your facial muscles to express negative emotion but keep trying you'll get there.”

Lucy bares his teeth.

“Closer. Terrifying but closer. So where are we going?”

Lucy shrugs, “ I kinda just wanna actually buy something from a 'men’s’ section, is that dumb?”

“Nah, bro not at all. I mean I gotta go to Target anyway. I know it's not your usual scene but—"

“Target’s fine. I just could never bring myself to go into the designated male area of any store if I wasn't with James and buying something at that point for myself even if they even had my size...” Lucy trails off shaking his head.

“Welp you're in luck because I need to restock on the boxer shorts I keep at work thanks to your girlfriend and her stupid decontamination showers. I swear she waits specifically until I need something down there to pull that shit.”

Lucy doesn't even bother stifling a laugh as he remembers racing against the klaxons from central command to Alex's lab only to find an extremely grumpy Vasquez and somewhat sheepish Alex drenched from the decontamination showers behind the still sealed lab doors.

“Those weren't even an emergency pair they were my favorites.” Vasquez complains drawing Lucy from the memory.

“You at least had fun pushing the incinerator button.”

“Yeah, well that's always a lot more fun when half my wardrobe isn't in there.”

Lucy snorts, “So let's go get you underwear, I guess. Should I take the bike?”

“Just leave it. It's uncomfortable as hell for two people and there'll be parking for the Jeep.”

There's nothing remarkable about the ride over. The banter is razor sharp and Lucy makes Vasquez stop for Starbucks on the way even though there's ‘one _in_ the Target asshole.’

But Lucy gets progressively quieter as they pull up and disembark from the vehicle.

Vasquez grabs a cart and Lucy doesn't even demand to be pushed as he stands on the end.

Vasquez takes the lead heading straight for the men’s section. They move with a purpose but keep Lucy in their periphery.

He's picking at the hem of his flannel so Vasquez slows asking if he's alright.

“This is usually the point I bail and spend too much time reading the labels on hair products if Maggie or Alex want to browse through here.” Lucy says from the safety of the main white isle.

“We can always just grab another stupidly expensive coffee and then leave.” Vasquez offers.

“No I want to it's just—it's I don't— it's, why is this so hard? Even fucking Kara never thinks twice about going over there, you know how much she likes their pajama pants selection but I…..”

“It's different. Kara’s not really risking anything when she comes here to buy minion pj bottoms.” They both take a minute to fight off the shudder of the creepy little fuckers Kara seemed inordinately fond of.

“The fact that she looks super traditionally feminine aside and plenty of people would assume she’s shopping for a boyfriend or something. On the off chance someone says something to her about gasp shopping in the guy’s section it’s not really going to affect her at all, she’ll laugh it off or say ‘who cares they’re comfy’ or knowing Kara go off on a well meaning but short sighted feminist rant.”

Lucy snorts.

“The point being her being cis? Is why she never thinks twice about it...granted it could also partially be the alien transplant thing but like that doesn’t invalidate the original point I was trying make like in general.”

Lucy raises an eyebrow.

“Sorry. I was just—ya know what both things can be true alright….oh whatever c’mon we can detour through the Star Wars toy display.”

Lucy's hand on their arm stops Vasquez in their tracks.

“Could we um just—” Lucy nods in the direction of the clothing section that brought them there.

Vasquez doesn't ask if he's sure, just starts walking again. As they breach the main path Vasquez slows again to ask, “So attack plan?”

“You need boxers right? Just shop like you normally would and I’m going to go ahead and follow your six like a green recruit.”

“Well enjoy the view my six is a solid ten.”

“Quit stealing my lines.” Lucy grumbles trying to look nowhere and everywhere at once as they cut through the forest of clothes to get to their destination.

Every step Lucy takes is measured.

He counts his breathing 3-2-1 in 1-2-3 out. Lucy tries to remind himself he isn't marching into battle. Part of him wants to scream because he's been less nervous charging into live fire.

He focuses on the sure stride of his friend. Vasquez's relaxed posture so different from their tightly coiled movements in the heat of a mission.

 _It's just shopping you_ **_like_ ** _shopping_ he berates himself in his head.

Lucy wonders what it says that he'd rather face down the barrel of an alien weapon then the judgemental input of some faceless stranger.

Vasquez stops in front of their objective and starts rummaging through the rack looking for their size.

Lucy stands ramrod straight, hands clenched firmly at his sides. Eyes darting, waiting for what he isn't sure. Some flashy alarm screaming they don't belong here maybe, the carpet to turn into an ejector pad.

But it never comes.

Vasquez tosses two packs of all black boxers into the cart before moving on to browse some more.

Slowly Lucy's shoulders begin to relax as he tentatively moves towards the shelving unit behind them.

It helps that the area is mostly deserted. Only a young mother with a kid around six and a guy rocking out to whatever is pumping through his headphones.

Neither of them spare Lucy a second glance.

Lucy reaches towards a hanging pair of boxers that's caught his eye. His fingers brush the material and he holds his breath as the hanger slips from its perch.

The world keeps spinning.

Lucy releases the breath he was holding. Upon closer examination of the item in his hands Lucy spots stormtroopers so he puts that pair back but tosses a pair with the rebel alliance symbol on them into the cart.

He can't stop grinning.

Vasquez chooses that moment to pop up out of nowhere, “There, see, smiling, I knew you could do it!”

Lucy balls up a t-shirt and chucks it at their face.

He's got a few pairs of Star Wars boxers for himself, a Jurassic Park pair he couldn't not buy for Maggie, a pair of Nickelodeon slime ones that looked like last month's decontamination debacle and thus needed to be purchased for Alex and a really comfy purple and black striped sweater in his cart by the time he makes it over to the jeans.

He's reaching for the smallest pair of Levi’s he can find when Vasquez's voice stops him.

“Nope.”

“Nope?”

“Yup, nope.”

Lucy looks from Vasquez to the shelf of jeans and back again with a furrowed brow.

“Just trust me, boxers? chill. Pajamas? fine, even that sweater but we're ixsnaying anything else from general retail at the moment.” Lucy thinks he hears them mutter ‘not worth the headache’ but Vasquez claps their hands and continues, “Because it’s almost time for our other stop, so c’mon. I promise it'll be worth it.”

Lucy follows without hesitation because of course he trusts Vasquez. Still that in no way means he doesn't whine the entire time Vasquez refuses to tell him where they’re going.

Vasquez holds out exactly nineteen minutes. Eight to get through the check out, three to the car and the rest driving. They only cave when the urge to veer the car into a pole becomes too strong.

“Fuck, L, fine if you're going to be such a pain in the ass about it. We're going to see a friend,okay?

“You have more of those?”

“I'm so tempted to leave you on the side of the road right now.”

“You're the one who won't tell me where we're going.”

“Oh for the love of Carrie Fisher, fine we’re going to see Stitch, happy now?”

Lucys confusion buys them forty-five glorious seconds of silence.

“Is that supposed to mean something to me?”

“The roommate I mentioned last night? Stitch.”

“Stitch?”

“Yea xe tell people it's because of xyr skill with a needle and thread. Which okay kinda true but the name really stuck 'cause Stitch got so tired of people being assholes about xyr gender xe made xemself a giant stitch onesie and wore it over all xyr clothes for like a year straight.”

Lucy blinks.

“If someone asked if whether xe was a boy or a girl Stitch’d just scream 'im cute and fluffy’ in the voice.”

Vasquez can feel Lucy's incredulous stare and can't help but chuckle.

“It was surprisingly effective. Anyway xyr a costume designer now. But xe runs a shop below their loft. Sort of. It's kind of evolved, you'll see. They’re pretty much always open, I just wanted to check if Stitch would actually be around today and you're in luck.”  

Vasquez doesn't take their eyes off the road but they can feel Lucy's eyes on them. They're only marginally surprised when no more questions are forthcoming. With a quick glance out of the corner of their eye Vasquez clocks Lucy staring hard out of the passenger window.

Finding parking is a little trickier in this area but Lucy is secretly grateful. He isn't quite sure he's ready for whatever it is Vasquez has up their sleeve.

If Vasquez trusted this Stitch then xe was good people but…. Lucy didn't know if he was ready to share this part of himself with anyone else just yet.

Far too soon the car’s ceased movement and Vasquez is pulling the keys from the ignition.

“We don't actually have to go, I may have gotten a little ahead of myself. Stitch is def the person to see about a new wardrobe but like xey aren't going anywhere so like there's no rush.”

Not for the first time Lucy wonders if J’onn isn't the only one at the DEO with telepathic abilities.

At any rate this is his way out.

Lucy knows Vasquez wouldn't hold it against him if he decided not to get out of the car.

He _is_ curious though.

And the thought of getting an actual binder dances in the back of his brain.

This would make it even more real though. In a way telling Vasquez and shopping in the men's department of fucking target hadn't.

His hand settles on the cool plastic of the door handle.

And how many people could he justify telling before his girlfriends.

His girlfriends. His girlfriends who are _lesbians._ His stomach flips unpleasantly.

A voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Vasquez tells him he's overthinking.

Lucy closes his eyes and shoves all his clamouring thoughts into a dark corner and locks them there.

“Alright let's do this.” Lucy says shoving open the car door.

As they approach, Lucy immediately knows which building is their end goal. He wasn't expecting it to be a refurbished firehouse but with the rainbow of flags hanging outside Lucy can't imagine they're headed anywhere else.

There's a huge actual rainbow flag hung prominently in the center.

Lucy squints and it takes a minute to figure out what seemed different about that particular flag but as they get closer Lucy realizes it has pink and turquoise stripes in addition to the traditional rainbow colors.

The bi flag jumps out him as does a black lives matter flag, he notices what he's pretty sure are the non-binary and trans flags as he's seen Vasquez with pins and patches for pride.

Vasquez taps his arm and points to a pink, white, purple, black, and blue flag. “That's the genderfluid flag.”

Lucy almost trips over his own feet head snapping to the direction Vasquez is pointing, only one concrete thought running through his head.

_I have a flag._

He's in a daze as they enter the door so the jingling bell chimes don't register but the raucous chorus of, “V!” “Vas!” “Monkey!” “V-dawg!” “Vasquez!” “Black ops!” certainly does.

Lucy levels Vasquez with a glare as the last one filters through his brain.

Vasquez lowers their voice to assure Lucy, “It's not what you think.” before being tackled by at least three bodies.

Lucy steps back from the dogpile as Vasquez half-heartedly struggles to get up.

He's starting to see what Vasquez means by 'it’s evolved’ because he would've never clocked the place as a store if he were entering it for the first time with no context.

It looks more like a dorm room without the beds honestly. There are an abundance of couches however, several of which are situated in front of a TV and occupied by one of the motliest crews Lucy has ever seen.

He continues scanning the space and ah over on the far right wall is a counter with register. The right corner seems to have the most obvious merchandise but the left of the entrance also has racks of clothes.

Further down the left wall are several sewing machines two of which are currently in use and Lucy tilts his head making a note to ask Vasquez about that later.

There are donation boxes in-between them and the couches in the center of the room. Lucy moves closer to read the sign posted.

 

_**Clothes Exchange!**_

_Cleaning out your closet or coming out of it_

_For every piece of clothing you bring in swap it out for something that fits_ **_you_ ** _better!_

_(Find a piece you love but it doesn't sit quite right? Sign up for free sewing lessons!_

_And learn how to make alterations or even your own creations!)_

 

That explains the multiple sewing machines more or less.

Lucy notices one of the kids on the edge of a couch fidgeting and darting glances over to the row of sewing machines. They're wearing ripped up leggings under equally ripped jeans and a bright purple hoodie under a jean jacket that's seen better days.

He watches as they finally leave the couch and slowly make their way over to the left wall wringing something between their hands. They hesitantly approach the elder of the two people working on the sewing machines.

Lucy can't hear what they're saying but the kid nervously tucking a long strand of hair behind their ear and the kind patient face of the person at the machine paint enough of a picture for someone as adept at reading body language as Lucy is.

The kid unfurls the cloth in their hands gesturing over to the donations box and Lucy almost bursts into tears as the kid is ushered into a chair pulled up especially for them and they start getting a detailed lesson on how to alter the dress they gingerly carried over.

Lucy is drawn from his observations as Vasquez finally extricates themself from the the tangle of limbs.

“Luce I'd like you to meet some of my favourite hellions,” Vasquez says, beaming.

That's Jade,” Vasquez says, pointing to a tall person with long jet black hair streaked purple who offers up a small but genuine wave.

“Trini,” a girl who bears an uncanny resemblance to Vasquez with slightly darker features jerks her head in greeting and mumbles ‘sup?’

“Max.” A boy with a backwards cap and a smile that reminds Lucy of James offers up his hand for a fist bump which Lucy amusingly returns.

“And finally Rover.” The final person introduced is wearing an ensemble that Lucy thinks is gearpunk? steampunk? Whatever it is mad Max fury road is not, Lucy tuned out most of that spirited rant between Alex and Winn of all people.

Rover bows slightly and reaches for Lucy's hand placing a kiss on the back of it, “It is my greatest pleasure to make the acquaintance of a such a lovely soul.”

Trini snacks them on the back of the head, “leave Vasquez's friend alone.”

Vasquez tries valiantly not laugh and finally pulls themself together enough to continue the introductions.

“And guys this is Lucy, it's his first time here so be nice for once.”

“Most impolite.” Rover says at the same time Trini protests, “We’re _always_ nice.”

The banter is broken up when a loud voice booms “Where _the fuck_ have you been?”

Lucy’s head snaps towards the sound of the voice emerging from behind the row of beaded curtains that line what Lucy thought was the back wall but apparently leads further into the building.

He's on instant alert at the angry tone but Vasquez just laughs.

“What? You miss me or something?”

“Fuck no, but you still owe me for that last bet.”

Lucy feels his eyebrows practically meeting his hairline. Vasquez losing a bet was all but unheard-of.

“Yea, yea I still maintain you cheated. I want a rematch. And ya know what for someone who works 12-16 hours six days a week sometimes during filming you sure seem awful judgemental of other people's work schedules.”

“Mhmm. I'll tell ya, if i hadn’t lived with you and saw firsthand the weirdass hours you coder monkeys kept I’d think you were hiding some top secret bullshit government job.”

It's only years of training that keeps Lucy from openly scowling at Vasquez.

As if sensing this Vasquez hurries to change the subject grabbing Lucy and holding him out like a shield.

“This is Lucy. Friend, co-worker and all around pain in the ass. He needs some new threads.”

Lucy wills himself not to flinch as Stitch’s eyes appraise his body.

“You don’t look like a coder monkey, you look military.”

Lucy levels Stitch with a force ten glare.

Stitch brushes it off, “I've done plenty of costuming for shows featuring the armed forces and I value authenticity.”

Lucy nods stiffly, “Lawyer, ex-military.”

“Damn, I'm good.”Stitch crows. “Well move it or lose it hot stuff, we'll continue this upstairs.”

“Does that line ever actually work?” Vasquez snorts.

“Sorry. Can't hear you. I'm purging negativity from my life.” Stitch singsongs.

Vasquez and Lucy trail after Stitch as xe swans off. Vasquez stopping for fist bumps, hugs and high fives along the way.

They step through the beads and Lucy spots several bunks in various states of disarray, a few currently occupied. To the right is another hallway of doors but Stitch leads them left.

They pass a kitchen enroute to a spiral staircase and Lucy laughs when he sees the firepole still intact but with a circle of bright blue matting underneath it.

Stitch catches Vasquez snickering and shoves them, complaining xe wasn't as young as xe used to be.

The rest of the visit passes in a blur.

Lucy for all his training couldn't rattle off a single fact about the interior of Stitch's apartment other than there seemed to be fabric strewn everywhere.

He gets poked and prodded and measured. Vasquez snickers as Stitch throws various strips of cloth at Lucy only to yank them away almost immediately.

Lucy isn't even certain what he’ll end up getting because Vasquez told Stitch to put it on their tab. There was talk of jeans and some nice button ups complete with complementing ties, as well as a full suit for special occasions.

At some point he acquired a properly fitted binder.

Lucy tries paying anyway but Stitch hand waves him away saying if he really wanted to he could bring some clothes in for donation and it would be more than enough.

They leave too soon and not soon enough and Lucy hopes one day he can take Maggie and Alex to this place.

The car ride back is quiet, Lucy’s mind trying to process all that's transpired. He keeps coming back to one train of thought.

“I have to tell them.” Lucy says breaking the silence. He fingers the binder he's wearing under his shirt thinking about the wardrobe that should be ready in a few weeks time.

“You do.”

“What if they can't accept me.”

Vasquez sighs, they have no platitudes to offer. They both know that even acceptance doesn't guarantee everything working out exactly the way Lucy hopes it will.

Both of their phones ring at once and they exchange a look as Vasquez swings the car in the direction of the DEO.

Lucy had already shifted gears into Major Lane by the time he answered the phone.

Any thoughts of personal issues banished for the sake of the job.

In the not too distant future Lucy will come out to his girlfriends. And it'll be a learning curve but they'll figure it out together.

She'll lose her father for good but that sting will abate slightly when he regains a relationship with his estranged sister.

It’ll surprise Lucy how easily the DEO will shift from Ma’am to Sir to Director and back again

He'll slowly start adjusting to living the way he never imagined. Once he’s no longer forced to be Lucy on days he isn't she'll love being Lucy so much more on days she is.

It won't be a happily ever after because the story won't be over.

But first he has to survive the third diverted apocalypse this month.

 

**Author's Note:**

> All the thanks to [nerdsbianhokie](http://nerdsbianhokie.tumblr.com/) for reading and rereading this over and over so I could actually post it. 
> 
> And to [Lurkz](http://lurkz.tumblr.com/) bc I forking hate summaries. 
> 
> [change-the-rules](http://change-the-rules.tumblr.com/) is where you can find me bc while I'm working for real on trying to answer all the backlogged comments on a03 ~~thanks anxiety~~ you're a lot more likely to actually get me over on tumblr.


End file.
